Have you ever considered that your cat, perhaps, is just the least bit rude? I know it’s hard to fathom, considering how much cats love being around us, and how openly they show us affection, but it’s true. Cats can be absolute jerks sometimes, and they know that they’re being jerks. The real shocking thing is that they just don’t care. It’s that bad a problem. In fact, it’s so prevalent, that there’s an entire subreddit dedicated to it.
It’s called “Cats Are A**holes” and it’s just absolutely full of people posting pictures of their cats who are proudly in the process of doing something completely assh*le-ish, like maybe yelling at a plumber so loudly and frequently that they were chased outside and unable to do their work. You’d think this is an exaggeration, but it’s the first thing on this list!
#1 Black Cat
Even HuffPo got in on the game!
Bad news for all you cat lovers: That feline you are obsessed with is a total jerk. Sure, cats are cute, soft, lovable and an endless source of viral GIFs and memes, but in actuality, they kinda suck.
Don’t hate us for this blasphemy just yet. We understand your dilemma. Some people just love cats, and to be honest, we can’t really blame them for that. Sure, cats are selfishly indifferent to your wellbeing, and in their minds you are their pets, not the other way around, but…look at the kitty!
#2 Forbidden Table
#4 Trash Goblin
Your cat definitely hears you calling her name, and can even recognize your voice against a stranger’s, but the truth of the matter is she doesn’t care what you want. A recent study published in the Animal Cognition Journal in July discovered that cats can recognize their owner’s voice, but that doesn’t mean they will respond to them. The researchers observed 20 domesticated cats in their homes for eight months to monitor how the pets recognize and respond to human voices that call out their names. Fifty to 70 percent of the cats acknowledged the sound of the owner’s voice by moving their head or perking up their ears. However, only 10 percent actually responded to the call, by meowing or moving their tails.
#6 No regrets
#7 Key thief
#9 Last piece
#10 Zoom meetings
This is because cats have not evolved to become domesticated enough to obey human’s orders, according to a study by researchers at the University of Tokyo. The study suggested that the reason for this is because cats were historically loners who essentially “domesticated themselves.” Meanwhile, when a cat wants your attention, they might try to get it by knocking some stuff off a table. Or maybe they’re just doing that for fun and would prefer you let them do it in peace. Either way, typical jerk behavior.
#14 Step step
#15 Impromptu bathroom
When researching whether cats live better in homes with other cats or in solitary living situations, Daniel Mills, professor of veterinary behavioral medicine at England’s University of Lincoln, discovered that petting may stress out some felines. Mills concluded that cats who live in a home with other cats are less stressed because it’s easier for them to avoid being petted by owner, and instead, allow the other cats in the household to take on that burden. Just face it, if Fluffy avoids physical affection, it’s not her, it’s you.
#17 Hanging plants
It’s nice to feel good about yourself when a jerk cat is finally comfortable enough to brush up against you, but all he’s really saying is that he now owns you — at least in his mind. He isn’t making physical contact because he’s trying to say he loves you, but because he is trying to make you his property by putting his scent on you. Cats have an extraordinary sense of smell and they know that each cat has his or her own scent. When a cat rubs against you, it’s informing other cats that you are its territory.
Dogs may be more intelligent than cats because they know how to make friends. A University of Oxford study found that, because dogs are more social animals, they have developed larger brains in order to adapt to the demands of a socializing culture. Cats, on the other hand, thrive in more solitary cultures, and thus, have brains that have not developed as rapidly over time. And if you needed any more proof that cats are bad at making friends, check out these videos of them stealing dog’s beds, or refusing to let their canine companions get past them.
#27 Squirt gun
#29 Window competition
#30 World’s Worst Cat
So, this is kind of creepy: Your cat sends you a welcoming greeting by slowly staring and blinking at you. This slow cat blink, or “kitty kiss,” is used by cats to inform whomever it’s looking at that they actually like them. Beware though, if your cat looks at you with a long, deep, unblinking stare, it may indicates that the cat is guarding his territory and does not find you welcome at all.
#31 Hair pull
#32 Look at that grin
#33 Silent van
If you are a female and you own more than two cats, you may start fearing that people will see you as a “cat lady,” a type of person made famous by “The Simpsons,” “Saturday Night Live” and real-life stories around the world. In 2009, a sampling done by the American Pet Products Association found that out of 463 cat owners, 80 percent were female. In a 2010 study, researchers surveyed over 4,500 people, and only 11.5 percent of the people identified themselves as solely a “cat person” (27.7 percent identified themselves as both a dog and cat person). Also, millionaires and business executives are more likely to own dogs than cats. Sure, maybe this is society being a jerk and not the cat, but maybe not.
#36 Toilet paper
#39 The cat didn’t want to go to the vet
In 1992, at an American Academy of Forensic Sciences conference in New Orleans, a forensic pathologist told a haunting story: He explained that when people who live alone with their pets die unexpectedly, their bodies are sometimes left in the house for several days. Without their owners around to fill their bowls, the pets often go unfed. In cases where these people owned dogs, their pets would usually go several days without resorting to eating the owner’s body. However, a cat would only wait a day or two. The phenomenon is called “postmortem predation.”
#44 Coffee tester
#47 Gas stove
#48 Spirit Animal
#49 Weak signal
#50 Came home after the flyers were printed
What about you? Do you have a cat that’s a colossal jerk? Tell us about the story in the comments!