You should never judge anyone.
We all like to say but most of us have biased views on everything. However, as a parent, you really should put aside your own ‘view’ on things and support your child as good as you can. It doesn’t matter if you think being queer is wrong or a choice. All that matters is that you try to be supportive and understand what they are going through. LGBTQ relationships can be hard as it is with a lot of people making homophobic comments.
So it is always nice to know that your parents are there for you. However, most of the time that doesn’t happen. Especially if you hail from a conservative family. You see this woman is going through a lot of emotions because she did not stand up for her wife in front of her parents. She usually does do that, but it seems her parents are hell-bent on not accepting her marriage and only introducing her wife as a friend which can be quite hurtful.
At least her parents welcome her wife. That is progress.
This is the classic case of ‘my way or the highway’.
However, it is never okay to not accept your kids relationship and marriage.
It wasn’t right, but I can understand why she didn’t want to do that at the church.
It would have been better if she had stood her ground.
But it seems her wife isn’t offended that she didn’t correct her mother.
NTA. You were in a conservative church where you know your relationship is not accepted. Had you corrected your parents in this situation, you may have left yourself and spouse open to an ugly scene at a time that’s supposed to be about celebrating the holiday with family. You might also have upset the delicate balance you’ve created with your parents. You’ve said you’re proud of your spouse and your relationship and this doesn’t mean that you aren’t proud enough.
Furthermore, you’re allowed to pick your battles and taking a pass on this one to avoid a scene in a church at Christmas does not make you an asshole at all. It sounds like you and your spouse are communicating well with each other, and she’s right, it’s nuanced. Cut yourself some slack. If your wife were upset about it, that would be different but the two of you get to decide how you navigate the world together. –miyuki_m
She isn’t condoning it, but it is hard to always fight someone’s deep help beliefs.
It is hard for someone to change their views, and it takes time.
Just because they are kind doesn’t make them any better for how they treat her.
They aren’t treating her badly, but they are also not acknowledging her reality.
It can take a lifetime for queer folk to deal with and accept who they are.
I’m sure as hell not going to spurn non-queer people who can’t find total acceptance but still have the kindness to treat OP’s wife the way they have.
It’s a tough situation – I had to sit and think on it a while. It’s obviously not the ideal, but baby steps are important. –surprisedropbears
Her parents need to accept this quickly, or they might not have a daughter who wants to talk to them any more.
Comment down below and let us know what your thoughts on this situation. Do you think she should have stood up for her wife?