Women’s lives are filled with fear.
You may think I am exaggerating things out of proportion but this is actually the truth. From holding your keys between your fingers to never going out alone when it gets dark, these are the things that women have to be careful about so they don’t get blamed later if something does happen later. We teach girls from a young age that we are the ones who have to be modest, kind, and keep ourselves safe because it is our responsibility.
And if you think this is overdramatizing, the following people have shared their personal experiences on what they have gone through. Some of these things might not even seem like a big deal but they are life-changing to the individual who has gone through them. So that is why when one Reddit user asked the women of Reddit to share things that men do that can scare others without even realizing it. People were quick to gather in the comments to explain why and how these little things are seen from a women’s perspective.
#1 Asking for it.
When I say I don’t like something — like something he said, or did, or joked about — and he says ‘you secretly like it :).’ That makes my skin crawl and alarm bells start going off. Don’t tell women what they like.
#2 “Telling women to smile.”
#3 Not letting go.
Blocking my path or physically holding me in place if they are not done talking to me. Basically, using their strength or size to restrict my motion in any way.
#4 Touching without consent.
Touching you in any way without permission, even if it seems harmless to you. Unfortunately, that happens rather often in retail. Don’t touch my shoulder when you talk to me. Don’t stroke my hair. Don’t caress my hand when you give me your money. Don’t touch my a** or my boobs or anything at all! Please respect my personal space.
It freaks me out when male strangers come near me and touch me in any way.
#5 Not understanding ‘No’.
Thinking ‘no’ isn’t the final answer. Believing that with a little more convincing, I’ll say yes. It makes me believe you don’t respect me and worries me about how far you will go after I say no.
#6 Nice guys everywhere.
Any time someone tries really hard to convince me he’s a ‘nice guy.’ Every guy I’ve met that desperately brings it up every chance he gets isn’t usually very nice. It always makes me wonder, what are they trying to hide? Like why do I have to think you’re nice? Prove it with your actions, don’t tell me repeatedly.
#7 Parking choices.
Parking right next to my car in a dark and/or empty parking lot. I’ve had this conversation with several girlfriends, but when I’ve mentioned it to men they had no idea about what goes through our mind when we see that.
#8 “Breaking or hitting things out of anger.”
#9 The premise of catcalling.
#10 It is never a joke.
‘Jokingly’ using your strength to move me or keep me from moving. If I want to go home and you’re pulling me back, I am not actually going along with it. You are stronger than I am and I literally cannot leave.
#11 Your contact information.
Following you to your car to get your number. Don’t. Ever. Do. That.
#12 Respect people’s personal space.
Standing too close. Even without covid, social distancing is a thing. Stay out of my personal space.
#13 Counting drinks.
A night out in the pub, there will always be one guy commenting that I haven’t drunk much. ‘Oh you’re still on your first glass of wine. You drink slow. Why aren’t you drinking’ etc?
Why are you counting my drinks? Creepy as f***!
#14 Enclosed spaces.
Hitting on you in locations where you cannot escape (enclosed places like elevators, or workplaces).
#15 Following someone.
I had a guy come into the store I worked at and leave within ten minutes. Not even 5 minutes after he left, he had searched me up on Instagram and messaged me, as well as all other social media. He didn’t have my last name and literally sat in the parking lot to search me up and message me.
And then he came into the store a lot more to learn what shifts I worked and was ALWAYS THERE. That’s not endearing or cool, it’s creepy and makes me not want to go to work anymore.
#16 Weird conversation.
While talking online when I say, ‘I don’t know about meeting up,’ and their response is, ‘You are more likely to be [sexually harassed] by someone you actually know in person.’ Yup…Not meeting up now.
#17 Do not disturb.
Approaching me when I obviously don’t want to be approached ie. I have headphones on, I’m on my phone, I’m reading or pretty much any other universal signal of ‘I don’t want to be disturbed’.
#18 Standing in doorways or blocking exits.
#19 The right way to flirt.
Flirting is fun so long as you don’t ‘flirt’ by asking me where I live, and if I live alone, and if I know people in the area. If you want to chat, flirt, get to know me? Don’t start with the questions that set off alarm bells in my head.
#20 Mind where you put your hands.
Putting your arm on top of my shoulder and around close to my throat. It scares the heck out of me and every other lady I have talked to.
#21 Keep trying.
Trying to sleep with me when I am very obviously not interested. When I confront them, they just say, “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” WTF.
#22 Sharing location.
Messaging you on a dating app, commenting that they found your profile and that they are in the same location as you — they can see you, but you can’t see them. I had a guy do this on a fully packed train I was on to go to work. I’m not an anxious person, but it felt really uncomfortable.
#23 Road rage.
Driving really aggressively and having road rage. When I was younger and dating, I had so many experiences as a passenger with young guys who were otherwise normal but really intense and scary when they got behind the wheel.
It always seemed like a red flag.
#24 Creepy comments.
I’ve been approached several times in public by random men who say they want to be friends with me. One leaned in really close to have a conversation and asked me where I was from and where I live. Another grabbed my hands and remarked on how soft my skin is. Another one literally locked arms with me and dragged me to a coffee shop to ‘get to know me’ and then later told me to come with him to a more private place for a view of the city.
#25 Checking your phone.
Slow down their car when I’m walking. Dude, check your phone down the street. Not pulled up next to a woman walking alone. Infuriates me how few men even think of how that looks.
When a guy won’t give up. He doesn’t even have to be physically present. Being an adamant d**k over text is enough to terrorize you sometimes.
#27 Unsolicited pictures.
Common female discussion – Unsolicited nudie pics. Equivalent to those creeps who hide behind the bushes trying to flash you. People need to realize 1 in 4 women have had some kind of [sexuall harassment]. Save it for your partner. Or risk getting blasted or viewed as a weirdo perv.
#28 Empathy problem.
The complete inability to see an idea or situation from a woman’s perspective. Instantly getting defensive when you mention something men do makes you uncomfortable. “But, but I don’t do that!!!” Ok cool, but can you see his this might make someone half your size feel??
Whenever a guy does this I realize they have a serious empathy problem and makes me not want to be around them. What happens if they lose their temper, are intoxicated, etc so their inhibitions are even lower?
No thanks, not worth the risk. Also, I try not to spend time with closed-minded people so that automatically rules them out of my friend group.
#29 Creepy compliments.
Strangers complimenting me on my body really freaks me out. I also don’t like people commenting on my hair, but that’s because I’m ginger and I get a lot of se*ualized comments.
#30 Anger issues.
Raising their voice in anger. Even if it isn’t directed at me. Triggers a flight response. An obvious one I know but I think some men have no idea how scary that is. Also grabbing or hugging me from behind as a surprise. A solid way to trigger a panic attack.
#31 Going out alone.
Wanting to go to a secluded location if I don’t know you well. Men on Tinder suggest going on hikes or taking a walk after dinner on first dates. Doesn’t even cross their minds that I would not want to be alone with them on a date.
#32 Uber or Lyft drivers.
Uber or lyft drivers who ask me if they’re driving me home. You don’t need to know that!
#33 Keep messaging you.
Once a guy made new social media accounts to search me up after I blocked him, THREE TIME. I don’t know what he thought would happen by just keep trying. Like I would just go “I love how you stalk me and keep shooting your shot after I’ve blocked you several times! Marry me”??
#34 ‘Fix them.’
Getting really intense about our relationship/ friendship really early on. A lot of guys turn women into this kind of fantasy thing that’s supposed to make them whole/ help them change or whatever. Sir I am the main character in my own life, not just a supporting one in yours. When you put that pressure on me right away abs without reciprocation, I know that I don’t actually matter, you’ve been taught that women serve you.
#35 Meeting me at my job and asking for my work schedule so they can ‘see me more often.’
#36 “Staring. It’s not cute, it’s not attractive, I don’t know you like that.”
Calling women beautiful as much as possible. Once or twice is nice, if you know them, but if you don’t know the guy and he says it too much, it freaks me out.
#38 Asking too much.
Asking for way too much information. Where I live, who I live with, where I work, what hours I work, Nearly wanting a schedule of my life in order to schedule a date.
#39 Feel upon you and go “I’m kidding” and do it again.
#40 Matching my speed while driving to look in and stare at me.
Calling me “sweet” pet-names like “honey” and “sweetheart” in a normal conversation (like at the shopping counter or anywhere else I ask a question or mention something). Most of the time they don’t even realize that they start with that and I’m annoyed at it but for some reason, it freaks me out when they call me that and I don’t know them. IDK why.
#42 Social media stalking.
Liking every single picture with my face on Instagram in a period of two minutes.
Do you have anything else you would like to add to this list? And what are your opinions on these things? Comment down below and let us know.