Redditor Tells Daughter-in-Law She Can’t Compete With Stepchildren’s Birth Mother, Family Drama Ensues

Do you prefer a pretty lie or the brutal truth?

When someone confides in us, they are vulnerable and seeking comfort, understanding, and support. However, not everyone expresses their support in the same way, which can lead to confusion and miscommunication in relationships. When providing support, we must be mindful of how others may interpret our actions and words, as well as open to new ways of demonstrating care and empathy. We can strengthen our relationships and provide more effective support to those who confide in us if we are open to and understand individual differences in communication styles.

However, this isn’t for everyone. While it is important to be understanding and listen to their requests, it is sometimes preferable to tell them the harsh truth, even if it may hurt them. I know it sounds harsh, but if you genuinely care about someone, you can find a gentle way to tell them the truth. This is done to ensure that they do not misunderstand anything and do not become trapped in a never-ending cycle of hoping for something that will never come true. That was the approach taken by the original poster (OP) when her daughter-in-law (DIL) confided in her about her feelings towards her family and her expectations.

Scroll down to read the full story and make your own decision on whether the OP was too harsh.

Source: Reddit

Everyone has a different communication style, and some people don’t understand that they can come off as uncaring at times.

OP’s first daughter-in-law passed away after having three kids, and her son moved on with a woman named Tasha.

The relationship between Nick and Tasha was faster than expected, but it also seemed quite healthy as Tasha tried her best to make sure his kids were accepting of her.

However, there was more going on under the surface, as Tasha recently revealed her feelings to OP about how the kids still talked about their birth mother.

Tasha understands that she can’t replace their birth mother, but she also doesn’t like always feeling as if she is second best.

Via Reddit

Tasha also didn’t give OP any time to digest this or offer any advice, as she left immediately afterwards.

However, it happened again, as this time it was triggered by what OP’s grandson had written for school.

Tasha was clearly distraught by the grandson saying that he missed his birthmother but was lucky to have such a nice stepmother.

This is when OP decided to tell her some cold-hard truths, as she will never be able to compete with the memory of a loved one, and neither should she.

OP seems to be a great stepmother, and she needs to learn how to be happy with just that, as she can never replace their birth mother.

Via Reddit

Tasha wasn’t happy after hearing this and was quite annoyed with how OP worded her advice, which led OP to come to Reddit, asking if she did something wrong.

It is true that the OP was quite blunt, but I do think that sometimes it is a better option than giving out fake compassion.

OP doesn’t want Tasha to feel like she doesn’t understand or that she is trying to invalidate her feelings after all.

Personally, I think the OP handled this perfectly. While we don’t know what was exactly said during this interaction, I believe OP was simply being honest and telling her daughter-in-law to lower her expectations. While I understand how it hurts the daughter-in-law to be second best, the truth is that she will never measure up to a memory.

When someone passes away, we tend to remember only the positive aspects of their lives, and they become icons in our minds. And because Emma was the children’s birthmother, they will obviously hold her in higher regard. That is why I believe Tasha should seek therapy to overcome her feelings of jealousy, as she appears to be a good stepmother overall.

People in the comments were quite understanding of both of these people’s situations.

I do agree that Tasha needs therapy, and it will do her good.

Via Reddit

It is fair to sometimes need only validation, but she came to the wrong person for that.

To be fair, humans are filled to the brim with contradictions.

Exactly! She shouldn’t even try to do this.

Sugar coating the situation would have been worse in the long run.

A bit more information about what is happening at their home would have cleared up the situation even more.

Via Reddit

What are your thoughts on how OP dealt with the situation after her daughter-in-law confided in her? Do you believe she could have been kinder and given her DIL false hope? Do you believe it was better that she was honest? Please let us know your thoughts in the comments section. Also, remember to share this post with your friends so that they can add their own stories too.